


walking upon dead stars

by scarynoodles



Series: drafts [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, Time Travel, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, probably stony endgame or something idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarynoodles/pseuds/scarynoodles
Summary: Tony Stark has spent most of his life weighed down by guilt, the knowledge of past mistakes he's made but can never fix. No matter what he does, he can never wash away the blood on his hands.At least, not until he wields the Infinity Gauntlet.--An incomplete draft of a story I wrote but hope to eventually finish.





	walking upon dead stars

**Author's Note:**

> Yay so I accidentally deleted this, so now I'm reposting it. :/ It hadn't really had anything yet though so I'm not that upset.
> 
> \--
> 
> This is just an incomplete draft of some story I wrote before Infinity War. I'll probably try to make it a full story one day, and it'll probably be IW compliant to an extent. Definitely not Avengers 4 compliant, since that movie seems to be dealing with time travel in general.

The Infinity Gauntlet was far too much power for one creature, Tony thought even as he put it on. Maybe that made him a hypocrite, but he just wanted to stop Thanos. He didn’t  _ want _ to wear the Infinity Gauntlet. He didn’t want that sort of power, where he could create entire realities or destroy them in a heartbeat.

Even just being in charge of something, having the power to make decisions for other people. He had  _ tried  _ to take in the best interests of everybody, but it never worked out, and Tony had learned. He just wasn’t cut out for the leadership role. That didn’t stop the UN from making him the official leader of the New Avengers, and Nick Fury from trying to force the new SHIELD onto him. Well, it was unlikely Tony was going to make it out of this alive, so he supposed that was good. He wouldn’t have to deal with any of that.

Anyway. The Infinity Gauntlet. Tony didn’t even expect to make it past touching the gauntlet without being vaporized by the sheer power of it. Just using one stone could completely rip apart a mortal’s being. He certainly didn’t expect to actually put on the gauntlet and survive. 

He could feel the power of the Infinity Stones surging through his veins. There were stars in his hair and galaxies in his hands and the universe in his eyes; his heartbeat was the lifeforce of every living being, dead or alive. He could see every possibility that had ever been and will be. He had the tools of the universe in his hand. With them, he could do anything he wanted. He could create a new, perfect world. One without crime, and evil, and drugs and alcohol. Everyone would be safe, and happy, and love each other. There would be eternal peace. 

But that wouldn’t be his world. And Tony had dedicated his every remaining breath to protecting it. 

_ I’ve seen your heart,  _ the Soul Stone whispered in his ear.  _ You want to right your wrongs and prevent the Avengers from ever falling apart. _

Tony frowned.  _ I just want to stop Thanos _ .

_ You could still defeat him if you fixed what happened in the past. You would have a better chance,  _ the Time Stone added.

_ I have a chance right _ now, Tony thought crossly.  _ Let me defeat him. _

The whisperings became louder.  _ You don’t have to stop him now and live the rest of your life empty and weighed down by guilt for all of the things you could have prevented but didn’t,  _ the Soul Stone said.

_ You have the ability to do what most creatures can’t,  _ the Power Stone said. 

_ Beings of your kind should have completely been erased from existence upon touching just one of us _ , the Reality Stone chimed in.

_ There’s something about you that makes you important to this universe,  _ the Space Stone said.

Tony shook his head, turned to the Avengers watching him. Time was moving on a faster scale for him. To everyone else, he had just put on the gauntlet.  _ I’m tired of being Cassandra. _

_ We know what you want, Tony Stark, maybe even more than you do,  _ the Soul Stone said.  _ Your  desire is to change everything, to make amends for your mistakes and to prevent tragedies from happening. _

_ You may think that you don’t, but we can see into your mind  _ and _ into your heart _ , the Mind Stone said.

_ You are the past and you are the future _ , the Time Stone murmured.  _ You are a man of nostalgia and of forward-looking. Perhaps it is time you finally show that. _

_ No,  _ Tony begged.  _ Please. I can’t go through all that again. _

_ Well, then, it’s your job to make sure everything changes, isn’t it?  _ And this time, Tony couldn’t tell which one of them was speaking.

The stones flashed, and then glowed with a light so blinding Tony was forced to close his eyes.    
  
“Tony?” Steve said, voice pitching higher in alarm. “What are you doing?”   
  
“Steve,” Tony whispered, hoping beyond hope that maybe Steve would put him first for once and try to save him. He opened his eyes again and reached out the arm without the gauntlet, trying in vain to search for comfort that wasn’t there. “Hel–” he started, but before he could finish, his vision went black.

* * *

 

Tony woke with a gasp, the imprint of a name on his tongue. He panted heavily, grasping at the both familiar and unfamiliar sheets.

“Good morning, Sir.” 

Tony froze. Slowly, he lifted his head, stared at the room. “JARVIS?” he whispered in disbelief, voice cracking. This–this wasn’t–the stones hadn’t actually done it, had they? They couldn’t have.

And yet, Tony was lying in bed in his Malibu mansion, listening to the voice of a dead AI.

God, he couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t handle listening to JARVIS’ voice. Not only had it served a reminder of the son he had lost, but now it was a reminder of what had happened to Visio–no, Tony won’t think about it, he won’t.

“Sir? You seem to be in a bit of distress.”

A tear streaked its way out of Tony’s eye. “I know.”

“Shall I call Miss Potts?”

_ Pepper _ . They wouldn’t be married now, presumably. Hell, they might not even be dating. God, that was hard to think about. Pepper was a constant in his life. Even during the break– “Forget it, JARVIS, what’s the date again?” 

Judging by the lack of a giant piece of metal lodged in his chest, or the tightness that came with breathing nowadays, it was before he had become Iron Man. Tony didn’t even know it was possible to feel this healthy and young, or what it felt like to use his lungs to their full capacity. He took a deep breath, then another, reveling in the freedom.

“May 9, 2009.”

Of course. The day before he left for Afghanistan. It wasn’t like he had made numerous mistakes before this point that he would like to fix. Fucking Infinity Stones.

At least he wasn’t a kid, or, God forbid, a teen or young adult. That would have been unbearable.

“Sir, Miss Potts would like to speak with you.”

Tony frowned. “About what? Has something happened in the company?”

“I believe she wants to talk to you about your schedule for the day.”   
  
Oh, Christ, he had forgotten she used to be his PA. Tony paused for a second, mind racing. He couldn’t do this. He could  _ not  _ do this. Then he sighed. If there was one thing he wasn’t, it was a coward. “Tell her I’ll be out soon.”

He hauled himself out of bed, once again marveling at all the energy his body contained, and headed to the bathroom. Thank god his past self had decided to go to sleep on his own for once, rather than picking up a girl. Tony wasn’t sure what he would have done if he had woken up to some random woman in his bed. 

He paused in front of the mirror and pulled up his tank top. His breath hitched. Nothing. His stomach was completely flat and toned, and his chest was devoid of any scars. Tony had expected it, but it was still a shock to see. He really had been thrown back in time.

He didn’t like it.

At a loss as to what else he could do, Tony went through his morning routine as if nothing had happened, then left his bedroom. Pepper was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. Tony stopped for a moment, his breath stolen away. God, she was so  _ young _ . She was adorable, actually. “Good morning, Mr. Stark,” she said, with a small smile on her face. It simultaneously was and was nothing like the smile she gave him when they woke up next to each other. “If you are actually willing to listen for once, I have your schedule for the next few days right here.”

Tony opened his mouth, ready to say Pepper, but he was terrified that if he did, he would put all the love he had for her into the word and then–and then she would know. “Morning, Miss Potts.” 

She smiled at him again, then fell into step with him. “So, for today, you have the Apogee awards ceremony tonight in Las Vegas, and then tomorrow you have to leave for the weapons demonstration in–”   
  
“In Afghanistan, I know.” Tony didn’t even think before saying, “Do me a favor and cancel it.”

She stopped. “ _ What _ ? Tony, I can’t do that now! It’s last minute. How is that going to look?”

“I know what they’re going to think. I have a reason for it, Pe–Potts. Trust me.”

Pepper frowned at him. “You care about the image of this company, so I can’t imagine why you would think that canceling the demonstration would be a good idea. I mean, this late? What’s the military going to think?”

Tony winced. He knew damn well what they would think.

“This isn’t to go to some party, is i–”   
  
“It’s not like that!” Tony almost shouted, regretting it the moment it came out. Pepper stared at him. “Sorry. It’s not like that,” he repeated, quieter. He searched for some possible excuse. “I...I heard there was terrorist activity in the area. I want to avoid that.” There. It was true, on both accounts.   
  
“Are...are you worried they might attack? You know that there’ll be soldiers to protect you. You won’t be alone.” But Pepper sounded more doubtful now, more hesitant. Good. She wouldn’t argue too much then.    
  
Tony took a deep breath. “I don’t – I don’t care about what happens to me. It’s the soldiers I’m worried about. I don’t want those soldiers to die or get injured protecting me because there was a terrorist attack. I can’t have anymore deaths on my–” he cut himself off, shaking his head. This was going to be harder than he thought.

There was silence for a long while. “What’s gotten into you?” Pepper asked finally, blue eyes wide with...something. “You don’t care if you die, is that what you’re saying?”   
  
“That’s not at all what I was–”   
  
“Yes it was. JARVIS, is that what he was saying?”   
  
“It did seem to suggest that.”   
  
“...Tony,” Pepper said slowly, a nervous smile growing on her face. “I know you’ve had a hard life, and that you have more depth than what people give you credit for, but you’ve never been suicidal before.”   
  
He stayed quiet. That hadn’t exactly been what he was going for. Was he suicidal, though? He had never thought about it before. It was true that he didn’t particularly care if he died, but that wasn’t suicidal, was it? He did try and keep himself alive, for the most part, if only because it was his service to the world. It wasn’t as if he  _ wanted  _ to die. 

“I’ll see if I can postpone it,” Pepper said suddenly. Tony looked at her, shaken out of his thoughts. “I’ll tell them that you suddenly came down with the flu. Never mind that it’s nearly summer in California.”   
  
Tony, despite himself, smiled. 

“I’ll tell the awards ceremony that, too,” Pepper continued. “   
  
“Thanks.”    
  
There was a soft, sad smile on her face. “I just want you to be happy, Tony.” Without missing a beat, she added, “Take the day off. Tell me if you feel better. I’ll call Rhodey or Obadiah and see if they can come.”

For a second, Tony swore his heart stopped. “No! No, don’t call Obie–” His voice cracked, “–please.” God, he wanted to see Obie–because even though he hated him, tried to kill him, Tony didn’t stop loving him, wishing every second of the day that he had somehow survived–but he knew he couldn’t, not now, not without having a breakdown, and then everyone (except Obie, the bastard would probably love it) would be even more worried about him.

Pepper looked as if she wanted to say something, but she shook her head. “Okay. I’m not going to ask. Is Rhodey fine?”   


Rhodey. Could he tell Rhodey? Would Rhodey even believe him? “Yes,” he said.

“Rhodey it is, then,” Pepper said with a forced lightness to her tone. 

“Thank you, Pepper,” Tony repeated again, quietly. “For everything you’ve done, and for putting up with me.”

“...I don’t ‘put up’ with you, Tony. If I did I wouldn’t be here.” She took a few steps back, pressing her papers close to her chest, and looked at him sternly. “And–and–don’t try anything, okay? I don’t want to hear that you–you–you know what I mean.”

“I promise,” Tony said easily. A little too easily, judging by her suspicious squint. Dammit. Now everyone was going to think he was suicidal and pay extra attention to him. It would make it harder to explain away any odd behavior. 

Pepper smiled at him weakly. “I’m serious. JARVIS is watching you. He’ll tell me if you decide to go out to some club, too.” Then she turned and walked down the hallway. 

Tony watched her go, feeling that somehow it would be the last time he saw her, even though he knew it wasn’t true. It was just–things were so different. Now he and Pepper weren’t married, they weren’t dating, hell, they hadn’t even gotten their act together enough to call each other friends at this point. 

And what if things didn’t go the same, if Tony knew what he knew? What if–she never was able to express her feelings? What if  _ Tony  _ couldn’t? He had lost the woman he loved most in the world, his wife, to what basically amounted to magical shenanigans. Not to say he didn’t love this Pepper. Of course he did–she was the same person–but she was not the Pepper Tony had spent years hugging and kissing and waking up next to in the morning, fighting over who had to get out of bed first.

But he could mourn that later. First things first, figure out a way to shut down the weapons department and expose Obi– _ Stane _ for the lying, manipulating bastard he was. And maybe work on a suit–a  _ nanotech _ one, no matter how long it took him with all the outdated technology (didn’t he still use a flip phone in 2009? Jesus Christ). He refused to spend three minutes suiting up like he had initially.

All the information for how to make it was in his brain, anyway.

 

-

  
  


“Pepper, I need you to trust me. I know that everyone thinks that all I care about is drinking, partying, and having sex, but I don’t. I know what I’m talking about, and I’m telling the truth.”

“I do trust you,” Pepper whispered. “And I do believe you. Oh, God,” she said, voice cracking, “what have we done?”

“Pepper, this isn’t your fault. It’s all on me. I was too self-absorbed to notice what was going on my company.”

She looked at him with red eyes, a hand lightly pressed against her mouth. “It is, though. How would we have looked to all those poor people?  A bunch of Americans selling weapons to the terrorists and murderers that destroy their homes and their lives, claiming they’re protecting the world? All this time, we’ve been standing side by side, reaping the benefits of destruction.”

_ And now that I’m trying to save the people I put in harm’s way, you’re going to walk out? _

Tony found that there was not much he could say to that. He turned, grabbing the smoothie container on his way. “We’ll fix it,” he said, taking a sip.   
  
“How?” Pepper asked, following him.

Tony headed over to one of his worktables. “I’m going to shut down the weapons department. We can focus on other stuff. Humanitarian stuff. Clean energy. I don’t know.” 

“ _ What _ ? Tony, I understand how you feel, but isn’t that a bit reckle–”

“It’s not reckless; I’ve been thinking about it for a while.” Tony scoffed inwardly. Try nine years. It had worked the first time, so it could work now. Of course, to the public he would have even less motivation for shutting down weapons manufacture than last time, so his best bet was to somehow expose Stane, or at least show that  _ someone  _ in his company had been dealing on the black market, then shut it down. He wanted to avoid as much conflict as possible this time around.

It could be like a heist movie, Tony thought brightly. Except he wasn’t stealing anything...besides information? Okay, never mind, bad analogy. They had never really been his strong suit because he always took them too far. 

“But the stock, and–and the employees–”

“We’re resilient,” Tony said, and he knew it was true. “We’ll figure it out, all of us.”

“I want to trust your judgment, Tony, but–”

“I get it. You think I’m just pulling a dumb, reckless stunt. That’s what everyone thinks, even though they were the ones who got themselves arrested when I told them not to. I mean, Steve always used to get on my ass about–” His mouth clacked shut, mind racing. God, he was an idiot.

“What are you talking about?”

Tony shook his head. “Nothing. Pretend I didn’t say that.”

“Is Steve someone I should know about? If he’s bothering you or something I’ll tell Rhodey and we’ll get rid of him.”   
  
Tony let out a humorless laugh. “You don’t have to worry about Steve for a while, Pepper.”

“How long is ‘a while’?”

“It’s a while,” Tony repeated. 

“You’re acting like you know what will happen in the future,” Pepper said.

“I don’t,” Tony said, because technically it was true. He didn’t know how his changes would alter it. “But I’m a futurist. I can predict things that will happen.”

“Such as knowing this Steve guy?” Pepper asked dubiously.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the point I reached before I just couldn't write anything else.


End file.
